Funny Facebook Statuses

  1. Darling, don’t flatter yourself. I sent you a friend request, NOT a wedding proposal.”
  2. Didn’t leave home today. It was too peopley out there.
  3. Old enough to know better, too young to give a f*ck.
  4. Trying to argue with someone over text is like being italian and having to talk with handcuffs on.
  5. Bitch I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.
  6. Sarcasm is just one of the many services I offer to people who ask stupid questions.
  7. Yup, My girlfriend went out for drinks with the girls from her work… Can’t wait for her to get back and tell me EVERYTHING that’s wrong with me.
  8. Bras: Because no woman wants to look like those National Geographic chicks.
  9. I didn’t say you are perfect, b!itch, I said you are a perfect b!itch!
  10. Girlfriend: Babe Im getting fat… Boyfriend: That’s a stupid and ridiculous thing to say. You’ve always been fat…
  11. Silence is golden, but telling some people to go fuck themselves…….PRICELESS…!
  12. A Girl decided to marry again because pics of her last marriage didn’t get enough likes.
  13. Some women need to learn that being attractive is not an excuse for being a bitch.
  14. Don’t die a virgin…terrorists are up there waiting for you.
  15. Wouldn’t it be great to hear a priest say “been there, done that” in reply to your confessed sins?
  16. Don’t tell me what to do unless you’re naked.
  17. That annoying moment when you’re doing something on your phone and someone decides to call and f*ck it all up.
  18. “Look at my face, does it look like I care?” – “Well by looking at your face, God didn’t care either”
  19. Sluts are people too… they’re just people that can’t control their whore-mones.
  20. Our kids will never know the terror of calling a crush and having a parent answer the phone.