Funny Facebook Statuses

  1. Sorry I’m late I was waiting for everyone else to post their birthday message on your wall so I can cut and paste the one I like best. Here it is “Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
  2. The lesbians next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday. Very nice, but I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch!
  3. Age is whatever you think it is or you are only as old as you think you are. Either way Happy Birthday you old fart!
  4. I’m not just a year older I’m also a year better and prettier. I know your jealous.
  5. A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. Enjoy the trip. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!
  6. Thank you guys for the birthday wishes. And thank you Facebook for reminding them.
  7. My wife is complaining that I never buy her jewelry. In my defense, I didn’t even know she sold jewelry.
  8. I broke my finger today. But on the other hand I’m fine.
  9. Marriage is like playing Monopoly. It starts out as fun, gets a little boring, then someone steals money from the bank and no one ever wins.
  10. 99% of people in this world are stupid. Luckily I’m part of the other 5%.
  11. The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra.
  12. Men hang out in bars for one of two reasons: Either they have no wife to go home to, or they do
  13. Having Wife is a part of living But having Girlfriend along with Wife is the art of living.
  14. Opportunity dances with those who are already on the dance floor.
  15. Kim & Kanye naming their daughter North West is like Alicia Keys naming her child Car… Car Keys.
  16. If Kim Kardashian named her son North West….wouldn’t that make her vagina the North West Pasage?
  17. Please forgive me, I got excited copying and pasting your status that I forgot to like it.
  18. If I owned a copy shop, I’d only hire identical twins to work there.
  19. My sex life has been pretty dull now for at least six months. The brightness button on my laptop is broken.
  20. Here’s to the people who love me , the people that have lost me and the lucky people who have yet to meet my crazy a$$!!! Have a gr8 day