Funny Facebook Statuses

  1. As you get older you realize that the “cool” parents were actually just bad parents.
  2. I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say “Hey look. That one is shaped like an idiot.
  3. Instagram has added video support. Now I get to watch a video of people eating their food!!!
  4. The bags under my eyes are Prada.
  5. Someone should really tell cab drivers not to Stink & Drive.
  6. Bitches throwin shit on my name…That’s a shame… Is it my fault that i’m the hottest bitch in the game?
  7. Keep talkin Bitch : you’re makin me famous!
  8. Speak well of your enemies – You were the one who made them!
  9. How do I gently tell people that I don’t want to speak to their babies on the phone ever again?
  10. I looked at the keyboard earlier and I noticed ‘U’ & ‘I’ are together, it’s meant to be! Then I looked underneath it & it said JK.
  11. I’ll act my age when I’m 69…
  12. Sometimes it’s funnier when you DON’T add “lol” at the end.
  13. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
  14. If someone hates you for no apparent reason give them one.
  15. Deja Vu: When God thinks something is so funny he has to rewind it to show it to his friends.
  16. It’s not a bald spot. It’s a solar panel for a love machine.
  17. You know when you’re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That’s happening to me, only with beer.
  18. One thing’s for sure when I shower with my boyfriend. My titties are spotless!!
  19. Facebook really needs a “pee on someone’s wall” option.
  20. Don’t put words in my mouth. I keep my feet in there.