Funny Facebook Statuses

  1. The kids nowadays don’t realize how lucky they are when it comes to porn. They can switch on the computer and have vast amounts in seconds. When I was a kid, I used to have a wank when I typed the digits 5318008 into a calculator.
  2. is proof that God has a sense of humor…
  3. “writing this to entertain the losers who take the time to actually read what others “”status” are.
  4. Do you know exactly how much coke Charlie Sheen did? I’m not sure either but it was enough to kill Two and a Half Men
  5. My wife said to me the other day, ‘Surprise me with something that’ll take my breath away’. So I punched her in the stomach.
  6. If you ever find yourself wondering what a fat girl’s vagina looks like, remember that she might be wondering the same thing.
  7. Ain’t no sandwich when she’s gone.
  8. Seen it all, done it all, can’t remember most of it.
  9. Are you into casual sex, or should I dress up ?
  10. I’m really good at making poor decisions. You’re my favorite so far.
  11. Too bored to do nothing. Too lazy to do anything.
  12. The great thing about being a guy is I don’t have to put on a “face” to go outside. All I have to do is make sure my nutsack isn’t showing and I’m pretty much golden.
  13. …is no gynecologist but I’ll have a look.
  14. …is hiding his weapon of mass destruction from the government.
  15. …is giving love a bad name.
  16. You know ladies, if you don’t snap me up soon, someone else will and then you’ll have to wait 3 whole weeks till I’m single again.
  17. You were born to be real, not to be perfect.
  18. Facebook to roll out hastag suport over the next few weeks. #LookAtMyKid #LookAtMyCat #LookAtMyDinner #LookAtMeAtTheGym #LookAtMyFeetAtThePool #IHateDramaSoHereIsSomeDrama ….. There #ThatShouldCoverThemAll.
  19. “I’m a woman, not a sex object” – said a woman to herself as she put on a push-up bra.
  20. I think we’ll be friends forever because we’re too lazy to find new friends.