Funny Facebook Statuses

  1. Mistakes are meant for learning, not repeating!
  2. All this restraining order means is that I love you too much.
  3. If I were a pirate I’d skip the skulls and crossbones, and bedazzle a Hello Kitty themed boat. I’d never get caught, cause nobody would admit I robbed them.
  4. I love when my boss catches me actually doing work.
  5. No, that dress doesn’t make you seem fat…but your dependence on others’ opinions definitely makes you seem shallow.”
  6. Who needs swag? When you have “GANGNAM STYLE”…. Op.. Op.. Op.. Gangnam Style!!
  7. Trust me, as you get to know me, I just get weirder.
  8. If Justin Bieber and Rebecca Black were drowning and you could only save one, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
  9. After spending 90 bucks for a gas fill-up today, I’m starting to see the advantages of being Amish….
  10. Geez …… those movie critics in the Middle East are a tough crowd….
  11. What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? She choked.
  12. If you’re easy to get, then you’re easy to forget.
  13. We text 24/7, but when we meet, it’s so awkward.
  14. I wish there was a ” like” button for texting.. so when I run out of things to say I can just ” like” their last txt and be done with it!!
  15. The Royal family are said to be “disappointed” over a French magazine publishing pictures of Kate Middleton topless. Me too, they’re tiny.
  16. According to my wife, the only time I’ve ever been right was when I said I was wrong…
  17. My wife wants me to teach her about Facebook. The first lesson is easy. You send me a friend request, I accept and immediately delete and block you and we all live happily ever after.
  18. My wife says I should read the book before watching the movie. So when I play the movies I just put the subtitles on and watch and read at the same time.
  19. My art teacher asked me to draw a chameleon… I submitted a blank page.
  20. I enjoy romantic scrolls up and down your timeline.