Funny Facebook Statuses

  1. They will take you for granted as long as they know you will always take them back.
  2. I’d rather drown going against the current than glide along a journey I don’t believe in.
  3. Many people lose their tempers merely from seeing you keep yours.
  4. LIKE if you do this… Make faces to a stranger’s baby when their parents aren’t looking.
  5. Nothing is more beautiful than a smile that bursts through tears.
  6. I hate it when I walk through a metal detector, and my abs of steel set it off.
  7. Trust is like money; you spend it, you save it, you lend it, and sometimes you get robbed.
  8. Happy people don’t take long showers.
  9. Women are the kind of problem I don’t mind wrestling with.
  10. After I put on pajamas, nothing else is going to be accomplished.
  11. “Be strong.” I whispered to my wifi signal.
  12. So they pay $1 million for commercials of starving kids but they can’t feed them?
  13. We will probably never understand why girls fall madly in love with douche-bags.
  14. “You are so rude!” moaned my wife. “The whole time I was talking you were yawning!” “I was not yawning. I was trying to say something.”
  15. Nobody teaches volcanoes to erupt, tsunamis to rise, hurricanes to sway around, no one is taught how to choose a wife, natural disasters just happen!!!!!!
  16. Eighteen is too young to get married! You can’t even buy alcohol. If you can’t drink, how are you going to make your marriage work?
  17. Dear middle finger, Thank you for sticking up for me.
  18. Whoever put “good” and “morning” together deserves a good slap in the face.
  19. Fun game: Borrow some tools from your neighbor and return them one by one covered in blood until they move.
  20. Be your own best friend. Everyone will be jealous.