Funny Posts

  1. One women’s “oh hell no that’s gross” is another women’s “oh please do that again”.
  2. Men couldn’t be trusted with multiple orgasms. I’ve seen the mess they make with one.
  3. It’s impossible to slowly tiptoe around without activating T-Rex arms.
  4. Whoever snuck the s in “fast food” is a clever little b@stard.
  5. I just don’t get you people who prefer the cold over the heat. The best times of my life are spent being hot, sweaty, and naked. Not cold, shivering, and bundled up.
  6. God created the orgasm so women can whine when they’re happy too.
  7. The first rule of relationships: You don’t find out why someone was available until it’s too late.
  8. I wish they made bar-stools with seat belts and dual side airbags.
  9. Most girls: “I hangout with guys, there’s less drama.” Me: “I hangout by myself. There’s no drama & I don’t have to wear pants.”
  10. I hate when her husband comes home early. She says I’m the pool boy. And I spend the next few hours cleaning the pool. This is BULLSH!T!
  11. That awkward moment when you go for a run and your boobs start to bounce up and down…….and you’re a guy.
  12. I hate it when people beg for likes, like if you agree?
  13. May be time to get in shape. Halfway up this flight of stairs and I’m considering setting up base camp and trying again in the morning.
  14. A MILF is a sexy ass mum over 35. If you’re 18, you’re just an idiot with a baby.
  15. How am I supposed to show a girl I like her, if I can’t even make her a mix tape anymore?
  16. Woke up this morning after a hard night of boozing, stepped on the scale and I lost 3 pounds. There ya have it. Dignity weighs 3 pounds.
  17. Everyone around me is obsessed with finding true love. All I want is a girl who will laugh at my jokes.
  18. I took my Cat and her six kittens to the Vet to get them spayed and neutered! The Vet asked ”Is the momma cat friendly?” I said ”Well….Duh, How do you think we got in this mess in the first place!!!”
  19. I’ve been waiting for this moment ever since I got up… goodnight!
  20. Some dude just yelled at me for texting and driving…I told him to get off my hood and mind his own business.