Funny Posts

  1. Every woman thinks her husband is a moron. And they’re absolutely right because smart men don’t get married.
  2. I knew early on my marriage was doomed. I’m a Virgo and she’s a bitch…
  3. I’ve spent half my money on gambling, alcohol, and wild women. The other half I wasted.
  4. Women are the only people who can go out broke and come home drunk.
  5. This morning I got in touch with my inner self. And that’s also the last time I’ll buy cheap toilet paper…
  6. My daughter asked me to help her with her math homework so I had to sit her down and explain that breast implants are way easier than math.
  7. If there was an accepted currency worldwide, it would be Beer.
  8. You know it’s good sex when the neighbors call the police and a priest.
  9. My favorite sex position is solely based on how bad your breath is.
  10. If you are single don’t worry. Someone will come around shortly to totally fcuk that up.
  11. I bet deaf people get really confused when they talk to someone who is applying hand lotion…
  12. Your huge boobs really bring out my eyes.
  13. Treat her like a lady and she’ll show you her inner slut.
  14. Today somebody called me a model! Well they said “poster boy for birth control”, but I knew what they meant.
  15. A little boy asks his dad, “Is it possible to get AIDS from a public toilet seat?” His dad replies, “Only if you sit down before the other guy stands up!”
  16. I shake my head at people’s stupidity so often that no one will even notice if I get Parkinson’s.
  17. here is no straight way to wash a cucumber.
  18. “No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying.”
  19. How in the hell do Chinese people see when they’re high?
  20. I can’t wait to be ashamed of what I do this weekend.