Funny Posts

  1. Dating is hard because guys are like “You’re hot, can we do butt stuff yet?” and girls are like “It’s been 3 days, where’s my ring?”
  2. I always feel a little kinky whenever the lady at Starbucks asks me if I’d like whipped cream on it.
  3. Oh I’m sorry.. I didn’t know it was “bring your feelings to work day”.
  4. I don’t know why people get embarrassed when they take a magazine to the toilet, you should see the looks I get when I take my plunger.
  5. Men who don’t understand why their woman is mad at them need to realize the woman doesn’t know why either.
  6. When a woman tells me her lawn needs mowing, I get an entirely different picture in my head.
  7. Y don’t women grow beards? Coz it’s in there jeans ;D
  8. Hi, I’m hosting a party with dinner & drinks on Friday 14th Feb for people who struggle to reach orgasm. If you can’t cum let me know.
  9. Being single at this time is not based on my wanting freedom to do what I want….It’s more due to the fact that I want the freedom to not have to do what someone else wants.
  10. Wonders why women spend so much on sunglasses? Wouldn’t it be cheaper to tint the kitchen windows?
  11. I’m only good at math when I’m adding insult to injury.
  12. If you love something,, let it go….. That’s EXACTLY what I’ve done with my body….
  13. Bad sex is still better than a good day at work!
  14. All women are crazy but if you pretend to listen to them when they talk, they will let you live.
  15. I like to keep my friends close, and my attractive friends even closer.
  16. “I only cheated on you with girls” is the most beautiful thing a woman has ever said to me.
  17. Cheer Up. Right now, somebody, somewhere, is thinking about you naked.
  18. New camouflaged condoms! She’ll never see you coming again.
  19. When you need Advice everyone is ready to help…..But when you need Help everyone only gives advice…!!!!
  20. People don’t hate you because you’re beautiful. people hate you because you’re a nasty b itch.