Funny Posts

  1. Not quite feeling myself today. I’m going to see if booze helps…
  2. I hate this place, as soon as I find my clothes, I am leaving.
  3. Don’t think we didn’t notice that you deleted your status when no one Liked it.
  4. If I’m old enough to be your mother we can’t date. Just kidding. Go ask for your allowance and buy me a drink.
  5. I’ve thought about it, and there still is no good reason for me to grow up.
  6. Went by the bank today and the female teller was flirting with me which was weird considering she saw my account balance.
  7. Dear Taliban, When you shoot a kid in the head for wanting an education and she doesn’t die, how can you be sure that God is on your  side?
  8. I try to look on the bright side of everything, except for the sun, because it burns my retinas
  9. If you don’t have anything nice to say, come sit by me, and we can make fun of people together.
  10. I’m sick of having to pick up women’s jaws after I walk into rooms.
  11. Kissing is weird as hell. “Um I really like you so I’m going to taste the inside of your face for a little while.”
  12. Cheating on a good woman is like eating out of the trash instead going out for steak.
  13. And yet, despite the look on my face, you’re still talking.
  14. Admit it, you have that one voice that you only use on animals and babies.
  15. I’m going to stand outside, so if anyone asks I am outstanding.
  16. Facebook needs a button that’s the equivalent of kicking someone under the table to stop them from making a fool of themselves.
  17. I hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious.
  18. California a maltese dog cost around $1000, You can buy the same dog in Vietnam for 5 dollars and it includes a side of fries and a  drink.
  19. Women these days…..some of their eyebrows looks like they are sponsored by NIKE.
  20. A study has shown that 40% of men over 40 suffer erectile dysfunction. Looking at 40% of women over 40, I’m not surprised.