Funny Posts

  1. The girl in the car next to me is totally checking me out. I think she likes me. After I’m done picking my nose, I’m gonna smile and wave.
  2. I don’t mind holding my wife’s purse. It’s the only time I get to be close to my balls.
  3. Calm down R&B singers nearing the end of your songs
  4. I guess you could call her a trophy wife. She’s tattooed with the names of the previous winners.
  5. Like my Great Grandmother always used to say,,,, ‘Marry someone who will love you for your posts and not your profile picture.’
  6. If God had meant for today to be perfect, he wouldn’t have invented tomorrow.
  7. A slutty girl is like the first slice of bread in a loaf. Everybody touches it but nobody wants it.
  8. PLEASE PEOPLE: Don’t forget to “like” before you copy & paste. Thank you.
  9. Well that’s a wrap on another day where I act like I know what I’m doing
  10. Text this to someone: I just love making you check your phone for no reason, who’s my bi$ch? You are.
  11. What a weekend…trying to get the courage to look at my credit card statement from last night.
  12. Sort of embarrassing when the babysitter shows up, and I don’t have kids, and then it’s $300 an hour.
  13. If someone doesn’t stand up to let you pass them in movie theater seats, it’s totally cool and legal to fart in their face as you walk by.
  14. This guy in line at store had breath so bad his teeth turned sideways just to let it out.
  15. How does every Black joke start?… By looking over your shoulder
  16. BUNGEE JUMPING – $25 per person. @$$holes get in FREE! No strings attached.
  17. Girls have their phone nonstop. So if they don’t text you back within 30 minutes, she ain’t feeling you bro.
  18. I’d be much more attracted to you if you were much more attractive.
  19. Humor is a serious thing. I like to think of it as one of our greatest natural resources which must be preserved at all costs.
  20. The world will be a much better place if everybody took a chill pill… It would be even better if some of them choked on it.