Funny Posts

  1. I hope I can kill my feelings before my liver.
  2. If a woman is uncomfortable watching you masturbate, she: A. Has intimacy issues B. Is frigid C. Needs to sit somewhere else on the  bus.
  3. You guys can laugh at my cargo pants all you want, but I just walked out of Taco Bell with 350 sauce packets.
  4. I have a friend who’s fat, alcoholic, and transvestite.  All he does all day long is eat drink and be Mary
  5. No one can text faster than a pissed off woman
  6. Remember, if we get caught, you are deaf and I speak no English.
  7. They say alcohol kills people. Lets not forget how many people were born because of it.
  8. I went to the store today to stock up on bread, beer, and Captain Morgan just in case Hurricane Sandy decides to double back to  NC….. Always good to be prepared…
  9. The Mother Of All storms (Frankenstorm) is heading toward New York City… Trump better get out the hairspray.
  10. My biggest fear of Hurricane Sandy is that i’ll lose power and can’t Facebook
  11. Why don’t they give hurricanes epic names like cyclone of doom or the fate fairy instead of frikken Sandy….
  12. Halloween Dress Code: Men: super hero, monster, funny thing, famous people. Women: super whore, monster whore, funny whore, famous  whore
  13. Having mutual friends with someone does not mean you should add them on Facebook. It’s like a stranger knocking on your door and  saying, “Hey we both know Mike, John, and Sara. You mind if I come in?
  14. It’s only perverted if she says no..
  15. Hangovers: because you had so much fun, you deserve to think about it all day
  16. The awkward moment when you’re wearing Nike’s and can’t do i
  17. Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows about it
  18. Don’t ask me stupid questions and I won’t hurt your stupid feelings.
  19. The most effective way to torture young people is to make them watch old people use a computer
  20. Raise your right hand if you were home schooled. No, your other right hand.