Funny Posts

  1. Facebook has become the girlfriend you no longer like but are scared to dump
  2. A friend came over visibly shaken. He said he had just slept with his 3rd cousin. I told him, if it upsets you that much quit counting them.
  3. Ahhhh,,, At last, my wife has found something her butt does not look big in…………… Walmart
  4. If I text you first you are probably amazing.
  5. Beware of the half truth. You may have gotten hold of the wrong half.
  6. If you’re stuck in the Friend-zone, here’s a simple 5-step solution: 1) Stop. 2) Being. 3) Her. 4) Fcuking. 5) B!tch.
  7. I was addicted to the Hokey Pokey but I turned myself around.
  8. Girls that are 16 and pregnant may look stupid now.. But their kids will move out when they are 34.
  9. I hate when girls say, “you probably say that to every girl.” don’t you use the same resume when applying to different jobs?
  10. Everyone keeps saying “0scars r our Olympics!” O for f*ck sake. And our Pussy Riot is Justin Beiber fighting Shia lebeouf
  11. Shocked to see Gravity win a special effects award. Thought it was actually filmed in space
  12. I think the Oscars would be a lot more interesting if they had a “Best Nip Slip” category… or “Best Back Burger.”
  13. That was Samuel Jackson’s first ever public appearance without saying “mother$ucker”
  14. The road to Hell is paved with everything that feels like Heaven.
  15. Silence is Golden, except when coming from children… Then you’d better go check to see what’s broken.
  16. Interesting Factoid: Facebook causes you to overestimate how happy your friends are, and therefore might make you more depressed!
  17. Too many girls want attention, not enough want respect!
  18. I got a text! I hope it’s from……. OH MY GOD, LEAVE ME ALONE
  19. I’ve just bought myself a hyena. Finally my jokes will be appreciated.
  20. They say 1 minute of kissing burns 26 calories. No wonder sluts are so damn skinny.