Funny Posts

  1. I tried on a Trojan Magnum…its really hard to breathe in those things.
  2. Sometimes you wish you could just fast forward time just to see if in the end it’s all worth it,..
  3. I want someone to look at me the way I look at the waiter when he brings my meal.
  4. A condom and a coffin. Both are designed for stiffs. The difference is one is for coming and the other for going
  5. Sex is a great way to get rid of stress, so go f*ck yourself and calm down
  6. This lady just said she’s naming her baby Nevaeh b/c its Heaven spelled backwards. I said, just name her what she’s going to end up being. Tulsa.
  7. Cop cars should play the jaws theme song
  8. I just woke up pissed off for no reason….. now I know how a woman feels.
  9. I’m not totally useless… I can be used as a bad example.
  10. I should marry my neighbor. She doesn’t live with me, we never speak, and we see each other naked all the time.
  11. I didn’t text you just to exercise my fingers, I was expecting a reply back…
  12. Boobs= not much ass, Ass= no boobs, Ass and Boobs= ugly face, Ass, boobs and nice face= Slut. You can never win
  13. While drinking my afternoon coffee, I oftentimes stare out the window… and ask myself: Would prison be all that bad?
  14. I’ve always wanted to know how long “forever” was… and by looking at some peoples relationships its around 2 to 4 weeks.
  15. Easy come, easy go describes my last 12 cases of beer and 17 relationships.
  16. I’m gonna make this girl mine….. Right click, Save As….
  17. Accidentally ran over my neighbor’s cat today and I was scared to tell him to his face so I left a note saying “Curiosity was here”
  18. Am sorry boss, I know I said I’d do that report this morning. But the girl next to me on the train was wearing a short skirt, & I forgot I even had a job.
  19. If I’ve learned anything from listening to world news, it’s that the world is full of countries I’ve never even heard of. (An American)
  20. I don’t know why beer companies bother with an expiration date… it’s never going to make it anywhere near that.