Awesome Quotes for Facebook

  1. “You laugh because I’m different; I laugh because you’re all the same.”
  2. “‎”Dammit I’m Mad” is spelled the same way backwards. Think about it.”
  3. “There are only 2 four letter words that are offensive to me —- Don’t and Stop…..unless they are used together…”
  4. “When I hand-write an entire page it looks like I’ve had a stroke by paragraph two.”
  5. “I heard the Japanese have invented a camera with a shutter so fast that it can actually photograph a woman with her mouth shut! Isn’t that amazing? Before you show your hurt feelings, just keep in mind THIS IS A JOKE, no one can create a camera that FAST”
  6. “who else wakes up in the morning and checks their Facebook like its the morning newspaper??”
  7. “People will believe anything if you whisper it.”
  8. “The 3 stages of man: He believes in Santa Claus. He doesn’t believe in Santa Claus. He is Santa Claus.”
  9. “A man in New Zealand was sentenced to four months in jail for posting a naked picture of his ex-girlfriend on Facebook. Jail is sort of like Facebook. You waste time; you write on your wall, you get poked by someone you hardly know…”
  10. “Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.”
  11. “Why is it that whenever there’s two women in a profile pic the hot one is always someone else..?”
  12. “There’s an iPhone app that scans your face and tells you how ugly you are.You don’t need this. If your phone doesn’t ring at all, you’re ugly.”
  13. “Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on your front door forever.”
  14. “A weekend wasted isn’t a wasted weekend.”
  15. “Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.”
  16. “Relationship experts say romance novels are bad because they give women unreasonable expectations. It’s what porno films do for men.”
  17. “I may be fat, but you’re ugly – I can lose weight!”
  18. “Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.”
  19. “You can tell the quality of a person by how they treat people they don’t need.”
  20. “I saw the Facebook Movie yesterday. It’s a good movie. It touched all my emotions: LOL, OMG, WTF…”

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