Awesome Quotes for Facebook

  1. Q. Why do men die before their wives? A. They want to.
  2. At every party there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.
  3. CONSERVE ENERGY: How would you feel if someone turned you on and then left?
  4. Christian Bale won Best Supporting Actor for playing a mentally unstable drug addict.And then Charlie Sheen was like, “You can get an award for that?
  5. Smart-phones… The best thing to happen to sh1tting since the newspaper.
  6. Dear Tequila: We had a deal. You were supposed to make me sexier, smarter and a better dancer. But I saw the video. And I think we need to talk…
  7. Dear MTV, I was wondering if I could get my “M” back….. you know, since you’re not using it. Sincerely, _usic
  8. A new study found that 12 percent of married adults met their spouses online.The other 88 percent met somebody else’s spouse online
  9. People are not mirrors, They see you completely differently than the way you see yourself.
  10. To all my haters. First of all, you should know that I’m typing this with my middle finger.
  11. “Work fascinates me – I can look at it for hours!”
  12. Somehow it’s reassuring knowing I’m not the only one pretending to be normal.
  13. If anything I post offends you, please, please bring it to my attention so I can delete you off my friends list.
  14. You don’t really know someone until you get drunk with them
  15. Please don’t drink and drive. Last night I put my hand out of the car to indicate i was turning right and some moron pulled the the bottle out of my hand
  16. Tell a girl a million times shes not fat… She’ll never believe you… Call her fat once she’ll never forget it.
  17. Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? People like me have to go to work and don’t have time for all that.
  18. Every girl has 3 guys in her life: one she loves, one she hates, and the one she can’t live without. But in the end, it’s the same guy!
  19. Relationships are like fat people, most of them don’t work out.
  20. Question on my Visa Application “have you ever been convicted of a crime ?” followed by “explain why”… so I put “no” and “good lawyer.

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