Awesome Quotes for Facebook

  1. A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it as long as you want but it won’t go anywhere.
  2. You’re on Facebook on a Saturday night talking about how hard you’re partying. But there’s a problem… You’re on Facebook on a Saturday night talking about how hard you’re partying. You’re not fooling anyone.
  3. Facebook is still the best way to keep in touch with people you don’t want to keep in touch with.
  4. Every time a woman takes off something she looks better, but every time a man takes off something he looks worse.
  5. So many people fall in love with the wrong person, simply because the wrong person will often say all the right things.
  6. After reading this sentence you will realize that the the brain doesn’t recognize a second ‘the’
  7. A girl phoned me the other day and said “Come on over, there’s nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home
  8. The Religious Right. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
  9. I love to hold my wife’s hand when we are out. If I let go, she shops.
  10. God made us all different. But when He got to China He thought…to hell with it… Copy, paste, copy, paste
  11. I’ll call it a “smart phone” the day I yell, “Where’s my freaking phone?!” and it answers, “I’m here! Under the pile of clothes!
  12. I got excited when I came across this “topless Bar”, in kolkata while driving home last night. I walked in and was shocked to find out that it had no roof !
  13. Welcome to Facebook. Please choose your category: Comedian, Philosopher, Protester, or Drama Queen.
  14. I’m having a problem in Call Of Duty. I go to the menu and……. alright I guess by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites
  15. It makes me sad that in this age of computers and video games, children will never understand what it’s like to be raised by television.
  16. You know that tingly little feeling you get when you fall for someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.
  17. Any man that believes women are “the weaker sex” has never tried to reclaim his half of the blanket on a cold winter’s night.
  18. People ask me why I don’t have any tattoos. I tell em ” would you put a bumper sticker on your ferrari?
  19. Please ignore this status….. I am standing in public alone and I don’t want to seem like a total loner, so I am making it look like I am texting.
  20. Man says to wife “what would you do if I won the lottery” Wife – “take half and leave your ass” Husband “good, I won 12 bucks here is 6, now get the hell out.

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