Funny Whatsapp Status

  1. I love how people say they’re “expecting” a baby, as though it might be something else, like a penguin or a lawnmower.
  2. Apparently the Royal Family is running out of money. They’re down to just £26.5 million …Which is what happens when nobody in your family has had a job for the last thousand years.
  3. Marvel announce the new Thor is female, to show that women are equal. Issue 1 sees Thor return the hammer back to her husband’s toolbox.
  4. So, Thor is going to be female from now on. I bet Chris Hemsworth wishes he’d paid more attention to the small print when signing that Avengers contract
  5. The sound of thunder is no longer Thor’s hammer. It’s a pissed-off Lady-Thor stomping round Asgard and noisily filling the dishwasher while she waits for someone to ask her what’s wrong…
  6. Marvel have announced Thor is set to become a woman. New super powers include being judgmental, temperamental and unreasonable.
  7. What do you call a woman with big tits who doesn’t make sandwiches? A compromise.
  8. Jose Mourinhio – The Special One……. David Moyes – The Chosen One….. Fellipe Scholari – Seven One.
  9. Pistorius…..Sounds like something Harry Potter would say to make your legs fall off.
  10. The only thing I can fix in this world tonight is another drink.
  11. Facebook, Pinterest and Instagram have taught us that for every giant technological leap ahead, we will find a way to use it for dumb shit.
  12. Why do parents feel the need to hold your phone when you show them a picture?
  13. “I wish there was a more convenient way to stalk others”- The phrase that started Facebook.
  14. The awkward moment when you’re wearing Nike’s and can’t do it.
  15. I hear they designed the newest iPhone to fit perfectly in your hand, right where your money used to be.
  16. Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy
  17. Just modified my GPS for when my kids are in the car. It says “No, we are not there yet!” every 30 seconds.
  18. According to a dating app, Amazon employees are more desirable than employees at other tech companies. Plus, if you sleep with one, they will recommend someone else you might also like.
  19. Remember when we thought it would be fun to grow up and have jobs? LOL
  20. Disappointment usually stems from expecting too much from strangers on Facebook.