Funny Whatsapp Status

  1. I get carried away sometimes… Usually because I refuse to leave.
  2. I started studying Tai Chi, so I wouldn’t recommend getting in a slow-motion fight with me…
  3. Starting a dating site for old farts like me calling it carbon dating.
  4. I CAN’T STAND BLACK GIRLS WITH BLONDE HAIR . LOOKING LIKE A DAMN DURACELL BATTERY
  5. Anal bleaching; because you never get a second chance to make a first impression.
  6. After a klose game with messi challenges and neuer goal scoring opportunities, ze Germans kept their cool and gotze World Cup that they deserved! 
  7. Justin Bieber will be charged in Los Angeles about an egg-throwing incident in January which damaged a neighbour’s home. The judge said it was the most pointless use of an egg since the fertilization of Justin Bieber.
  8. Me + Bed + Pillow = Best threesome ever.
  9. Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
  10. When dealing with women, you can either be right or get laid. You can’t have both.
  11. Only if these women were as thorough in choosing a man as they are in choosing which selfies to upload on Facebook maybe they wouldn’t get heartbroken so often.
  12. When a woman says, “I’m NOT crazy” *clapping her palms together per syllable* That’s universal for, “You’re going to die.”
  13. Ladies, when it comes to stalking, I’m 100% behind you.
  14. Scientists are close to re-enacting The Big Bang theory. Hope its got another hot blonde with nice tits in it.
  15. Sorry I pissed you off, but I find you much more entertaining this way.
  16. Here, take my hand. Now slap yourself with it.
  17. “No comment” – said no woman, ever
  18. According to a new report from BP, the earth will run out of oil in 53 years. Luckily, thanks to BP, the ocean will still have plenty…
  19. My road to success is under construction and all the workers are out getting drunk.
  20. With the Germany – Argentina final on the way, we will finally know which one of the two Popes is God’s favorite.