Funny Whatsapp Status

  1. Have you heard about the new line of Tampax with bells and tinsel? It’s for the Christmas period.
  2. I’m so good at making Chinese food, I can do it with my eyes closed.
  3. After extensive investigations and many phone calls, the police found that, despite the fact that I’m black, I’ve got a good job, no criminal record and I own the BMW I was driving. So they arrested me for wasting police time.
  4. I had my work appraisal yesterday. The boss said, “There is no I in team.” To which I replied, “But there is a U in cu*t.”
  5. I told my Boyfriend; “Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get six!” A short time later he comes back with six cartons of milk. I asked him, “Why the hell did you buy six cartons of milk?” He replied, “They had eggs.”
  6. If someone gossips to you, you can bet they also gossip about you…
  7. My gf won’t get the remote that’s in the other room, but if my wallet was at the bottom of an ocean she’d be shopping already.
  8. Why is it socially acceptable to wear a bikini at the beach but not on the bus? At the end of the day I’m just a guy in a bikini on the bus.
  9. I accidentally touched my wife’s boob and she didn’t recoil in disgust so things are looking up.
  10. You never realize how much you love sleeping until you have to wake up in the morning.
  11. I’ve seen homeless guys who keep their boxes in better shape than some girls keep theirs.
  12. It’s a damn shame when a man works hard all week then comes home for dinner and relaxation but has to work extra hard to get love and appreciation from his woman.
  13. I don’t mind going to work. It’s that eight-hour wait to go home that bugs me.
  14. Why is it called necrophilia and not sexual intercorpse
  15. I am all for self-belief, self-worth, self-esteem but a woman declaring herself hot and complementing herself on her own beauty smacks of serious desperation, delusion and self-conceit.
  16. Two young Indian women have designed the world’s first ‘anti-rape’ jeans, which send a distress signal to the local police station when a button is pressed. Great idea, but with just one minor flaw; the police in India are more likely to show up and join in.
  17. They say when a man meets the right woman, he is complete. When a man meets the wrong woman is finished. When the right woman meets the wrong woman with the man, he is completely finished.
  18. I tried to propose to my girlfriend from Thailand today but it went wrong. As soon as i got down on one knee she started undoing her skirt
  19. I think some people just log into Facebook just to send me game requests.
  20. So impolite of people to sneak up on you while you’re talking shit about them.