Funny Whatsapp Status

  1. The World Cup has an official song. The official anthem is “We Will Find a Way.” It narrowly beat out the other contender, “I Feel Someone’s Teeth in My Shoulder.”
  2. England was knocked out of the World Cup. It’s the most English people wiped out at one time since the last episode of “Game of Thrones.”
  3. I finally found a diet plan that works. It’s called “The cost of food”.
  4. President Obama says his daughters need minimum wage jobs to “learn what it means to work.” May I suggest the same for members of Congress?
  5. Relationship status: LOL
  6. I give movies with 2 stars a 5 on Netflix because if I sat through this piece of sh!t, I want you to as well.
  7. My brother just updated his status to “I love my girlfriend <3”. I always knew he liked them young, but that is f*cking ridiculous.
  8. A recent survey has shown that 50% of all newlyweds want to try anal sex. Or to put it another way, 100% of grooms.
  9. “UK Students Die In Safari Crash” I bet they wished they’d just stuck with Internet Explorer now.
  10. BBC News: Two pedestrians die in collision. Fuck, how fast must they have been walking?
  11. You know it was a good shit when you come back and your screensaver is on.
  12. Messi carrying Argentina. Neymar carrying Brazil. British Airways carrying England
  13. The cast of “Game of Thrones” had a very special visitor — Queen Elizabeth. A lot of the Royals on “Game of Thrones” get offed. It leads me to believe this visit was arranged by Prince Charles.
  14. Want to watch a nerd have a melt down? Tell him that you just bought an Android Ipad.
  15. Behind every good selfie is approximately 47 nearly identical pictures that didn’t make the cut.
  16. Self esteem so low, you crop yourself out of your selfie.
  17. Columbia have already begun their preparations for the upcoming match against Uruguay. The entire squad are set to have tetanus and rabies jabs.
  18. There’s a new channel called DOG TV that offers 24 hours of programming to entertain dogs while their owners are gone. My dog doesn’t want to watch TV – I just got him an iPad.
  19. Luis Suarez is to appear in the next Star Wars film. He’ll play Chewbacca’s brother, Chewshoulder.
  20. Luis Suarez is teaming up with Joe Hart to advertise Head and bloody Shoulders.