Funny Whatsapp Status

  1. After a tie with Portugal in the World Cup, the U.S. soccer team now faces Germany on Thursday. And if the U.S. team beats Germany, they advance. If they lose, Americans go back to hating soccer again.
  2. My wife is a big Tennis fan and was telling me how distracting she finds the constant grunting noises during the women’s matches. I have promised her I will stop.
  3. Luis Suarez has confessed he had planned on biting Wayne Rooney. However,he also said he doesn’t like the taste of shit.
  4. Just saw a pensioner do a tribute to the England team. Yep she got off the bus look abit confused and then got back on went home.
  5. If you’re a Liverpool Fan you are currently doing one of these three things: 1) Defending Gerrard 2) Defending Suarez 3) Kissing your sister
  6. I don’t mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
  7. Telling someone they can’t be sad because others have it worse, is like telling someone they can’t be happy because others have it better!
  8. I’m going to change my name to Benny Fitz…so when people add me on Facebook, it will say;..You are now friends with Benny Fitz.
  9. I like to hangout with people that make me forget to look at my phone.
  10. Computer technology used to be a lot tougher. Back when I was a teenager, mice had balls.
  11. Marriage. When dating goes too far.
  12. Michael Schumacher has spoken out about global warming, in a statement he said “Things are getting pretty bad, just yesterday I was skiing and when I woke up this morning it was summer”
  13. A new study says Facebook users can be affected by the mood of their friends. For example, if your friend is depressed on Facebook, you’ll be depressed. And if they’re really happy on Facebook, you’ll be even more depressed.
  14. Queen Elizabeth is planning to visit the set of “Game of Thrones” next week. She said things are hard to keep track of because everyone keeps dying. And then Prince Charles said, “Not everyone.”
  15. I’m confused. Celebrity comedians are paid millions of dollars… Yet the funniest people on the internet are janitors and stay-at-home moms.
  16. If a girl texts you back ”k” check all your previous messages to see where you fu*ked up.
  17. Ever accidentally throw something away and then later realize you actually needed it? I did this with my life.
  18. Me: Are you a dealer? Him: Obviously. Me: I want cocaine. Him: For the last time, place a bet or leave the casino.
  19. Chivalry is so not dead. Most guys ask where you want it when they cum.
  20. Hey, parents. Stop raising children and start raising adults.