Funny Whatsapp Status

  1. Spain are blaming their loss this evening on the weather. Apparently it was 2 Chile.
  2. I once donated a pint of blood and the doctors were quite greatful. They said it contained enough alcohol to sterilize their equipment.
  3. What’s got two wings, a tail and twenty five pricks? England’s return flight.
  4. Due tomorrow, do tomorrow.
  5. Google introduced a new smartphone alarm that can wake users up on the subway so they don’t miss their stop. As opposed to the alarm they use now: getting elbowed by the stranger they’re drooling on.
  6. A woman in Massachusetts recently had twin boys who were born 24 days apart. It got weird when the second baby was born. The second twin said, “I guess I should have downloaded that alarm that wakes me up when it’s my stop.”
  7. Ask yourself what you would do for one more day with the ones you’ve lost and then do those things for the ones you still have.
  8. Sometimes it is best not to talk unless you can improve on the silence.
  9. 7 million people watched the “Game of Thrones” season finale. Seven million people. That’s one viewer for each “Game of Thrones” character.
  10. News: Coleen Rooney has flown out to Brazil with her two sons to be with Wayne until England’s World Cup campaign is over. That’s nice – bit far to go for a weekend though if you ask me.
  11. I’ve decided never to buy anything off the Internet again, after getting conned last week. I ordered what was supposed to be the world’s largest cardboard box, but the one it came in was bigger.
  12. I lost my virginity to a retarded girl last night… I wanted my first time to be special.
  13. It’s such a beautiful day I had to open the window while I watched TV.
  14. Tuesday, aka Monday 2.0
  15. Let me drink about it and get back to you.
  16. I’m going back to sleep. I refuse to give up on my dreams that easily.
  17. Guy: Hey I want to be part of you girl.  Girl: sorry, I already have an asshole!
  18. Game of Thrones characters should have to wear jerseys with their names on the back
  19. I don’t know what’s happening in this country. You’ve got school children dressing like whores and whores dressing like school children. It’s a nightmare – you don’t know whether to carry sweets or money.
  20. I see that in the US they’re complaining about halal meat. They want their meat to be killed the American way… but, honestly, what are the chances of a cow enrolling in high school and being shot by a classmate?