Funny Whatsapp Status

  1. I found out that middle age is were you finally get your head together and then your body starts falling apart
  2. Since smart watches can now read your pulse, there should be a feature that erases your browser history if your heart stops beating…
  3. There is a company called Kia and a company called Nokia. I’m not sure who to believe.
  4. If you workout and don’t post a status about it on Facebook, do you still lose weight?
  5. I am not sure, but I think I just heard my cup of coffee say, “You are my bitch”
  6. Now that cell phones are becoming more and more waterproof, pretty soon it will be okay to push people into pools again…
  7. Funny, this warrant doesn’t feel so outstanding.
  8. They say “confidence” is the most attractive quality in a partner. But I’d have to say, “not banging my friends” would be a very close 2nd
  9. I want to lose weight, but I don’t want to get caught up in one of those “Eat right and exercise” scams.
  10. Be careful when you follow the Masses. Sometimes the ‘M’ is silent.
  11. Before we start this relationship, I am going to need you to explain a few pics in your Facebook albums.
  12. I really hate it when someone else creates something that I haven’t had the chance to think of first…
  13. If it weren’t for double standards, some people would have no standards at all.
  14. *Leonardo Dicapreo goes up to accept oscar* *pulls out speech* *blows dust off of it* Yes I’d like to thank the directors of titanic for th-
  15. I’m so happy Leonardo finally got an award, he was such a brilliant inventor and painter.
  16. I’d like to give a shout out to those people born in 1932 who are celebrating their 21st birthday today!
  17. the good news is the doctor says I’m healthy as a horse, the bad news is she still uses large farm animals to describe me….
  18. Caller ID should be more specific. It should say things like, “Needs to borrow money” or “Will whine about petty stuff”.
  19. Answering your cell when you don’t recognize the number is like picking up a hitchhiker.
  20. Judging by the way some women wear makeup it’s rather obvious they didn’t excel at coloring as a kid.