Funny Whatsapp Status

  1. I’ve even started lying about my age on the treadmill at the gym.
  2. Success, like a fart, only bothers people when its not their own.
  3. How many different animals did we have to jump on the backs of before we discovered horses were cool with it?
  4. A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian says, “Fuck off, you won’t bring it back.”
  5. Life is like a bowl of soup. You only get blown if you’re hot.
  6. A guy in New York is selling the world’s largest video game collection, which includes 11,000 games. He doesn’t really want to sell it, but he needs some way to pay for the divorce.
  7. Sometimes, the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is an idiot.
  8. The problem with money is that too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.
  9. I forgot to pay my bill to the exorcist and so I got re-possesed.
  10. “It’s summer! Yay! No more school shootings!” – American children.
  11. I hate it when TV shows say they contain “adult situations” but then don’t show anyone going to a job they hate, paying their bills or cleaning up their kid’s vomit.
  12. I party until the taxi with the pretty red and blue lights picks me up.
  13. OMG! I went shopping because I needed a skirt and these earings were on special so I bought four new pairs of shoes!
  14. And in the news today, Justin Bieber has yet to be shot in a drive by. . .
  15. A women can only run as fast as her boobs will allow her.
  16. No YouP0rn… I do not want to play poker, I’m at work for crying out loud.
  17. Why I don’t like people: 1% logical reasons. 99% just because.
  18. The problem with this generation boils down to this one thing: Their cartoons suck.
  19. When I die, I’d like the word ‘Humble’ to be written. …….on my statue.
  20. Disappointed to learn that ‘landlady’ isn’t the opposite of a mermaid.