Funny Whatsapp Status

  1. Your voicemail will be ignored in the order in which it was received. Beep.
  2. If you’re only 18, please don’t post philosophy and proverb verbiage based on your first love and the difficulty of your inexperienced life.
  3. Before you decide to spend less time on social media, make sure you go to every social media website and tell everyone.
  4. It’s like I wanna be left alone but I still want people to notice my absence, you know.
  5. No children were harmed in making this status. Ignored perhaps, but certainly not harmed…
  6. It’s always a special moment when you finally get to hear those three words you’ve been waiting for……. “Your order’s ready.”
  7. If you want your wife or girlfriend to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
  8. If you’re at a party and people start chanting your name, you’re obligated to do anything they want you to do.
  9. True love is when they look at you, see you’re batshit insane, and love you anyway.
  10. I have to start remembering my passwords, I have renamed the dog so many times he just looks at me with disgust now.
  11. I’ve never had angry sex. I’m always happy and quite surprised that it is actually happening.
  12. If I hit snooze 3 times it should automatically send an email to my boss saying I’ll be out sick.
  13. This coworker is about to find out walking around smiling on a Monday always leads to workplace accidents.
  14. I enjoy long walks on the beach and that thing you just did with that banana.
  15. This milk is so far past it’s expiration date I’m only gonna have a small slice.
  16. Relationship Status: I ate 7 bananas trying to get the new guy at work to notice me.
  17. How can I go to sleep when this movie I’ve seen 70 times just started?
  18. Fate is when you find something you were never looking for and realize its everything you never knew you wanted.
  19. I can tell by the way you keep snapping your gum in my ear that you really don’t value your life at all.
  20. One good thing about being ugly is that when someone stares at you for too long you automatically know they wanna rob you.