Funny Whatsapp Status

  1. When I see a girl with a lot of makeup, I want to use my finger and write WASH ME on her face…
  2. 5 minutes into America’s Got Talent and I learned we don’t have talent, we have a bunch of delusional idiots that don’t want real jobs.
  3. President Obama had lunch today with Hillary Clinton. Hillary told the president, “After phoning my top advisers, I think I’ll run for office.” And the president said, “I know. I listened in.”
  4. They act like technology is ruining childhood, but back in the day, kids were so bored they would turn their eyelids inside out for fun.
  5. If you love someone, just tell them. Or get drunk and ”Like” a whole bunch of their stuff on Facebook in a short period of time…..same shit.
  6. My dog is a typical guy, I talk to him and he’s all wagging his tail, but I know he’s not listening. I get it ladies.
  7. Religion is like a buffet. People take what they like and ignore the rest..
  8. There is a fine line between a sleepover and just drinking way too much at someone else’s house.
  9. Sometimes I spend whole meetings wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.
  10. The amount of stuff coming out of this woman’s handbag as she searched for her keys, I wouldn’t be surprised if that missing Malaysian plane is in there too.
  11. My dog is a typical guy, I talk to him and he’s all wagging his tail, but I know he’s not listening. I get it ladies.
  12. According to my Nike fuel band I masturbated 5 miles today.
  13. You haven’t seen a woman overreact until you tell her she is overreacting.
  14. Being a man means doing what I want, when I want, and not having to answer to anyone. This is my…shit she’s coming. To be continued.
  15. You haven’t truly won an argument until the other person says “whatever” !
  16. A woman in New York is suing a Manhattan salon for $1.5 million over a bad haircut. The last time I saw a disaster like that with clippers was Donald Sterling.
  17. Ladies, love yourself first or nobody will @MaleHonesty86 
  18. That awkward moment when you realise you have way more internet friends than real friends.
  19. I often worry about the safety of my children, especially the one that is rolling their eyes at me & talking back right now.
  20. Parents, forget about teaching your kids about the birds and the bees. Teach your kids the difference between their, they’re and there.