Funny Whatsapp Status

  1. We have rappers who used to be pimps and gangsters telling us not to download music because it’s stealing.
  2. People who aren’t funny get offended by jokes.
  3. My wife caught me again on the couch with my iPad & a hand towel while I was putting lotion on my feet with my pants off.
  4. Can you honor Maya Angelou by not pretending that you knew much about her?
  5. Whenever a woman says “how are you different from other men?” I normally respond with “I’m fucking hilarious.” @MaleHonesty86 
  6. I’m going to create a social network called “Selfies And Drama” also known as “S.A.D.” @MaleHonesty86 
  7. I used to think I was a man of vision. Now i’m pretty sure they’re hallucinations.
  8. Thinking about the first person ever to get drunk. People must have been like, “COME QUICK! JEREMIAH HAS BEEN STRICKEN WITH AWESOME!”
  9. I should have made a website called www.reallydontfit.com and posted all the pics of fat chicks wearing skinny clothes this weekend. @MaleHonesty86 
  10. Most of my workday is me thinking what my couch is doing right now.
  11. Some people seriously believe they are making a difference in the world by using hashtags. HAHA!! #SocialNetworkActivist #KillYourself #YouWereAdopted #YourMotherShouldHaveSwallowedYou #YourDadShouldHaveWoreARubberAndThenFlushedYou, @MaleHonesty86 
  12. Isn’t it ironic how so many females are attracted to assholes, but rarely say “yes” to anal?
  13. My car rides usually consist of playing my music on random, then pressing “next” about 400 times.
  14. No matter how compelling and convincing the other person’s argument is, you can always win a debate by adding “yeah, but still” at the end.
  15. Just because a lot of guys want you doesn’t mean you’re wifey material. Just know, cheap items have many buyers. @MaleHonesty86 
  16. I hate when interviewers ask “why do you want this job?” So many responses run through my head, but I don’t want to sound unprofessional by saying “because I need the fucking money.”
  17. Whenever someone well known dies, social networks turn into an online obituary. #DontActLikeYouCare,  @MaleHonesty86 
  18. If the wrong women weren’t so tempting, then I’d probably be married to the right one by now. @MaleHonesty86 
  19. “Why do people get plastic surgery? Why can’t you just admit that it’s over? Stop trying to look fuckable in your 50’s.” @MaleHonesty86 
  20. I’m starting to wish I were a werewolf so I’d have a better reason for waking up nude in public with no memory of how I got there.