Funny Whatsapp Status

  1. Sorry I wasn’t ignoring you I was just watching 7 seasons and 54 episodes of this new show I found.
  2. Parents, forget about teaching your kids about the birds and the bees. Teach your kids the difference between their, they’re and there.
  3. Things I suck at:1. Being attractive.2. Being normal.3. Relationships.4. Texting back.5. Math.6. Life.
  4. My neighbor is crazy. After playing some Justin Bieber at high volume at 7 o’clock this morning, he commited suicide by shooting himself 8 times in the back with my gun.
  5. Priest: Kim, do you take Kanye to be your lawfully wedded husband to love and cherish? Kim: I.. *Kanye grabs mic* Kanye: She do
  6. ATTENTION: upon further consideration I am once again pushing back the debut of my summer beach bod. Thank you for your patience.
  7. My dog reminds me of my ex. She doesn’t pull her weight financially and she’s scared of the vacuum.
  8. It’s been reported that Beyoncé gets paid $100,000 just to sit in the front row at a fashion show. Meanwhile, her sister, Solange, is getting paid that amount by Jay-Z to take the stairs.
  9. Pope Francis will bring a rabbi and a Muslim leader with him when he travels to the Holy Land this week. Or as bartenders put it, “We’ve been expecting you.”
  10. The pope is in Israel with a sheik and a rabbi. If they don’t walk into a bar, it’s all for nothing!
  11. DOCTOR: Are you sexually active? ME: Depends on what you mean by active. There are plenty of active volcanos that haven’t gone off in years
  12. A Russian businessman has been ordered to pay his wife $4.5 billion in what is being called the world’s most expensive divorce. Then L.A. Clippers owner Donald Sterling said, “Stay tuned.”
  13. I’ll see your fun outdoor activity and raise you a nap.
  14. Say what you want about Canada but they successfully got rid of Justin Bieber.
  15. What if your pillow could collect your dreams and when you wake up you plug it into your computer and watch them over again…
  16. Some relationships today will end over a ”Like” on Facebook.
  17. Found a note on my door today that said ”You’re Awesome!” (: I’m the one that wrote it. But still… feels fucking good!
  18. True love is when your pet comes to your room on its own.
  19. Going to the toy store, pressing the ”TRY ME” button on a toy and the fucking thing wont stop…So you just try to get the fuck out of there like nothing happened.
  20. Well, well, well…look who’s come crawling back,,, asking me to repair the tire on their wheelchair.