Funny Whatsapp Status

  1. When your friend offers you free food, all trust is gone out the window!!! The fuck did you do to it? Nothing, I swear! Okay I’ll take a fucking bite.
  2. I wanted to be a Ninja, so I googled ”Ninja school” I followed the link to their website, and it said ”Page cannot be found” WOW, these motherfuckers are good.
  3. That ONE time In class you raise your hand, and some motherfucker screams out the answer.
  4. That good buddy on Facebook who likes your status because nobody else will.
  5. Why do girls have to get periods? Why can’t Mother Nature just text us and be all like “yo bitch, you ain’t pregnant. Catch ya next month homegirl”.
  6. Mumbling along to a song you don’t really know…but that 15 second part you do know is coming up and you’re gonna own that shit.
  7. Seeing a guy in skinny jeans and wondering how his balls fit in there.
  8. That awkward moment when you’re trying to get over someone you were never dating.
  9. Paris Hilton should make a sex tape with 2 black guys and call it NIGGAS IN PARIS!
  10. My version of flirting is looking at someone I find attractive multiple times and hoping they are more brave than I am.
  11. I don’t care if you’re here to murder me – we take our shoes off in this house.
  12. Admit it…. Sometimes you just wish you could read your crushes mind to find out how they feel about you?
  13. I have a bumper sticker that says “Honk if you think I’m sexy” I then wait at green lights ’til I feel better about myself.
  14. My kids constantly yell at me whenever I try take their pictures, and I tell ’em: “You’re gonna need them in 20 years for your Throw Back Thursdays updates”….. whatever!!
  15. How come people who think they know everything never seem to know when to shut up?
  16. Oh thank goodness, you posted another selfie. I almost forgot what you looked like since the selfie 5 minutes ago.
  17. Music is best when it’s louder than I can think.
  18. Nice try Jehovah’s Witnesses but dressing up like cops and telling me you have a warrant is not going to get me to open my door.
  19. There’s a fine line between flirty and creepy. And that line is called being good looking.
  20. This week is the 40th anniversary of the Rubik’s Cube. If you kids don’t know what a Rubik’s Cube is, it’s what people would stare at without human interaction before cellphones.