Funny Whatsapp Status

  1. I don’t know why you are complaining about your appearance, your personality is even worse.
  2. My wife is not speaking to me. We watched an old video of our wedding and she realized that I said “You’ll do” instead of “I do.”
  3. Women with large breasts are generally more successful than men with large breasts.
  4. Immigrants are like sperm. Millions get in…only one works!
  5. Don’t forget to pay your taxes this year so the Government can give it to people that don’t work as hard as you.
  6. I feel a spree coming on. It’s either shopping or killing, I haven’t decided yet.
  7. If pigs could vote they’d always vote for the guy who brings the food, even though he’s the same one who will slaughter and eat them later.
  8. F*ck nudes. Send me a picture of your medicine cabinet. I need to know what kind of psycho I’m dealing with.
  9. After watching TV with my kids, I think I have figured out what’s wrong with this generation….their cartoons suck.
  10. I walk around like everything is fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.
  11. F*ck the zombie apocalypse, it’s never going to happen. Worry about the f*cktard apocalypse, it’s already upon us.
  12. Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other stuff wrong with my car I’d turn the radio down.
  13. Turns out an At Home DNA test is not a good baby shower gift
  14. Husband got excited thinking I was touching myself under the covers but I was just actually just opening a Kit Kat I didn’t wanna share.
  15. My wife just opened a jar of pickles by herself and I can’t help but believe my days around here are numbered…
  16. Why does Kanye West need a billion dollars for ideas? Ben Franklin discovered electricity with a kite.
  17. Ladies, if he calls you crazy, don’t get upset. Crazy girls are better in bed so take it as a compliment. But stab him, just in case…
  18. Date advice to women from a guy: Laughing makes you 100 times more attractive than makeup.
  19. I bet all those girls that ignored me in high school would still be pretty pleased with that decision
  20. Legally,It’s questionable. Morally,It’s disgusting. Personally,I like it.