A Chicago priest is offering a $5,000 reward to help stop gun violence. Meanwhile, people with guns just found out about a priest who has $5,000.
This is the only way I know how to correctly use a semi-colon 😉
Thanks to Facebook I feel like we probably need a new word for ‘friend.’
George Lucas, the creator of “Star Wars,” is 70 years old today. George didn’t bother celebrating. He spent the day making unnecessary changes to all his earlier birthdays.
Last night my wife said to me, “What would you do without me?” Apparently, “Your sister” was the wrong answer.
I just found out cock fighting is done with roosters and now it feels like this 6 months of training has been wasted.
The new “Godzilla” movie opened worldwide yesterday. They say New York City could survive a Godzilla attack. Seriously? It takes five cops to handle Alec Baldwin when he’s riding his bike the wrong way
There’s nothing a floored gas pedal and cranked music can’t cure.
My worst 3 subjects in school we’re Math and English.
If you borrow my laptop and the volume is at 16% go wash your hands immediately
Marriage: I gave sex up for this?
E-Cigs. The great taste of water vapor, the cool look of blowing a flashlight.
No one thinks the screenshot of your text messages are as funny as you do. No one.
If you are being attacked by a bunch of clowns the first thing to do is go for the juggler.
I knew you were trouble when you said you didn’t drink.
Why is Facebook such a hit? It works on the principle that ‘People are more interested in others life than their own’.
Women need to learn how to use Snapchat. It’s only for sexting, I don’t want to see pictures of your feet or your new perm.
My relationship status: Waiting for a miracle.
Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you’re nuts.
You dug the hole you’re in… now stop whining and start climbing.