Funny Whatsapp Status

  1. Apparently a good way to get asked to leave the gym is to move a treadmill behind someone on a stationary bike and pretend you’re angrily chasing them.
  2. On the internet you can be whoever you want. Its odd that so many choose to be stupid.
  3. I bought some shoes of a drug dealer, I don’t know what he laced them with but I’ve been tripping all day.
  4. My goal is to be just the right amount of crazy to make everyone else doubt their sanity.
  5. Okay restaurants. Enough with the clever bathroom signs. A simple M and F will do. Sincerely, drunk people.
  6. If you walk a mile in my shoes, you’ll end up at the bar…
  7. Nice try “blocked number”, but I don’t even answer the phone for people I know.
  8. Tampon commercials create an unrealistic expectation of how much fun it is to be around menstruating women.
  9. No one is more confident than a drunk girl wearing a guy’s hat sideways.
  10. You’re not in a serious relationship until he leaves you in a room alone with his phone.
  11. If my life had a soundtrack it would be the sound of a rusty gate slowly closing and then falling off its hinges onto a bunch of ugly cats…
  12. Sometimes I walk up to a plant and exhale carbon dioxide all over it. Did I save its life? Maybe. Am I a hero? That’s for history to decide.
  13. When you think your life couldn’t be any more pathetic, remember some people have more than 1 Facebook account.
  14. Girls are like roads, the more curves, the more dangerous they are.
  15. Time to get out of bed and worry from another location.
  16. No LinkedIn, I do not want to display my Twitter on my profile. I would actually like to keep my chances of getting a job above zero.
  17. You want to see Americans become activists? Cancel a TV show they like.
  18. There is a fine line between “important to me” and “dead to me.” Don’t walk it.
  19. If a woman is talking to me about her problems, I better be the cause of them.
  20. My wife called me a child. I told her, be careful who you’re calling a child because if I’m a child, that makes you a pedophile. And I’ll be damned if I’m gonna sit here and get lectured by a pervert.