Funny Whatsapp Status

  1. Dad please dont mess my hair up and say ‘love ya’ in public, I’m in a gang now
  2. Vasaline is the key to having sex with your spouse after having children… *Just stick that stuff on the outside of the doorknob and the kids can’t turn the knob to get in.
  3. Stop calling yourself sexy. The only thing you turn on is a microwave.
  4. It’s funny how you can tell when someone likes someone else, but you can’t tell when someone likes you.
  5. Men might stare at your tits and ass, but women buy a latex mold of a pen*s and keep it in their drawer. Who’s creepy now?
  6. My mum at night: Good night, sweet dreams I love you.  My mum in the morning: Wake the fuck up you lazy piece of shit.
  7. Teacher: You’re here to learn.  Me: No bitch, I’m here because my mum wouldn’t let me stay home.
  8. If booze isn’t the answer, then your question sucks.
  9. I wonder if women in China complain that all guys are the same.
  10. That awkward moment when you see someone that you’ve been texting all day and you have nothing to say because you already know everything.
  11. I wish I could Google search…Who likes me?
  12. Delete me , Poke me, Like me, Limit me ..The choice is yours… Facebook, where no one really gives a fuck!!
  13. I didn’t know how badly we’re losing the war on stupidity til I joined Facebook.
  14. Is your drama going to have an intermission soon? I need to pee.
  15. You never really see how toxic someone is until you breathe fresher air.
  16. My girlfriend always cheats when we play board games, like last night, we were all playing Monopoly and she was next door fucking the neighbour.
  17. Is it sad that the plans I make after work depend on how much charge I have left in my phone battery?
  18. Women are so jealous. I bet Eve counted Adam’s ribs everyday to see if another woman had been created.
  19. Seriously, it’s almost 2014, can we please get some waterproof phones? I would like to text in the shower.
  20. You’re not in a serious relationship until he leaves you in a room alone with his phone.