Funny Whatsapp Status

  1. Roses are red and sometimes they’re thorny, when I think of you, I get really ……………
  2. Crush: “Hey!”  Me: *Retard mode activated*
  3. True self control is waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn.
  4. Not wearing condoms because the world needs more people like you.
  5. When I was 15 I was raising a Tamogochi, not a baby.
  6. Home alone… Time to teach the neighbors what good music sounds like!
  7. We all have someone’s phone number in our phone and they have no idea we have it!
  8. When I play fighting games I press random buttons and hope for the best.
  9. Drink triple. See double. Act single.
  10. My greatest talent is being able to watching 5 years worth of a TV shows in one week.
  11. Oh, you’re talking to me again. Did you just break up with your boyfriend?
  12. When I was young, sticking my tongue out to someone was like giving them the middle finger.
  13. When you’re single nobody likes you… when you’re in a relationship everybody likes you.
  14. Nice tan, what’s your race? Carrot?
  15. Dad: Why are your eyes red, son? Son: I smoke weed, dad.  Dad: Don’t lie to me, you were crying because you’re a faggot.
  16. Christmas lights remind me of some people I know. They all hang out together, half the fuckers don’t work, and the ones that do aren’t that bright!!!!
  17. Girl: How long is your dick? Me: I’m not sure I only have 1 ruler
  18. When I’m about to get in bed, I turn my light off and then run and jump into bed so that nothing gets me.
  19. Back when I was a kid there was no internet so people would sometimes have to walk for miles just to call me a cunt.
  20. Some people walk the walk and some people talk the talk. I drink the drink.