Funny Whatsapp Status

  1. My pants say yoga but my ass says more cupcakes please
  2. Found out the difference between onions and men. I don’t cry when I’m chopping up men.
  3. How to find the perfect wife: Play monopoly with her. if she chooses the iron, she’s the one.
  4. Nice selfie, I love the way the light brings out the bat sh*t crazy psycho in your eyes.
  5. Dear girls, not every guy is in love with you, sometimes they like your prettier friend and need your help.
  6. I think the only girl I know that hasn’t said “you’re like a brother to me” is my sister.
  7. There are two types of people I can’t stand. Nosy people, and people who won’t tell me what the hell they’re whispering about.
  8. I have a lot of clothes but I only wear like 5% and It looks like I have none and I refuse to wear the other 95% because I fucking look ugly in them.
  9. In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God or man has rested.
  10. The only thing worse than Friday the 13th, is Monday the 13th
  11. Things I Hate: slow internet connection and monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday and half of friday.
  12. Not knowing what to text back, but not wanting the conversation to end.
  13. We all know one person who was so much cooler when they were single.
  14. We all know you love your boyfriend, but we’d all appreciate it if you’d SHUT THE FUCK UP
  15. That depressing moment when you plug your phone in your charger and hours later you realise your charger wasn’t plugged in.
  16. “Ooh, a new friend request…who the hell is Iqbal???”
  17. My ex’s taught me that not every I love you is real.
  18. Do you ever pretend like you didn’t see something so the other person doesn’t feel embarrassed.
  19. That moment when your crush is absent, and you wasted your time going to school.
  20. I wish falling in love had traffic lights, so that I would know if I should go for it, slow down, or just stop!