Funny Whatsapp Status

  1. When you want them, they don’t want you. When they want you, you don’t want them. When you both want each other, something fucks it up.
  2. There are 3 reasons for ”Liking” someone’s Facebook status:  1. I agree. 2. I realise this is about me, so I’m liking it to rub it in your face. 3. I want to bang you.
  3. Maths teacher: If you have 12 chocolates and you give 5 to Mary, 3 to Claire and 2 to Elizabeth then what will you get? Me: 3 new girlfriends.
  4. I used to have a voice like Justin Bieber… then I turned four.
  5. I’m lazy as fuck.. If I ever had to run for my life, I would probably die.
  6. Admit it… You get a small rush of happiness when your crush likes your Facebook status.
  7. I don’t get my neighbor. tells me to make my self at home but then gets pissed off when they come into the kitchen and I’m in my underwear making a sandwich.
  8. Next time a skinny bitch calls herself fat… I’m gonna agree with her.
  9. I wonder, if I say ”Hi” to everyone on here, how many ”Hi’s” I get back?  So let me say Hi….
  10. Teacher: Why did Robin Hood only rob the rich? Me: Because the poor didn’t have any fucking money.
  11. Mum: How come your friend ______ hasn’t been around lately?  Me: Because he turned into a cunt.
  12. I play a song, nobody likes it. One week later, every cunt likes it.
  13. It drives me fucking crazy when people post questions on Facebook that could easily be answered with a basic google search.
  14. When hoes say, new year new me… they really mean new guys, new dick.
  15. Keep reaching for the stars but get a better deodorant.
  16. Trust me, when they make a pill that REALLY makes your d!ck grow, that commercial will be on during the Super Bowl, not 3am!
  17. I didn’t see anyone important today, so I’ll probably wear these same clothes tomorrow.
  18. Studies have shown there is a direct correlation between a woman’s insecurity and the amount of selfies she posts each day.
  19. I’m on that ”I don’t give a fuck diet.” I’ve lost 10 assholes already.
  20. CNN just said the world is forty trillion dollars in debt. Who the f*ck does the world owe? Jupiter?