Funny Whatsapp Status

  1. Why are clothes so expensive? I shouldn’t have to pay so much to not be naked. Other people should pay me not to be naked.
  2. Commented on a woman’s french manicure. “I like your tips” …let’s just say she didn’t hear me correctly.
  3. It’s bad enough when the little voices in my head talk to me. But now they are texting.
  4. [job interview] “So what are your goals for working here?” To be home by noon…
  5. Most people don’t think I’m as old as I am until they hear me stand up
  6. ♪ ♫ ♩ ♬…Oh the weather outside’s delightful, the balance in my account is frightful, what happened to all my dough, I dunno, I dunno, I dunnnnoooooo…♪ ♫ ♩ ♬
  7. I tweeted to Steve Harvey tonight that he was still my favorite all-time host of Family Feud; but two and a half minutes later I tweeted again to tell him it is actually Richard Dawson
  8. So many fun things to say…..too many relatives on Facebook to post!!
  9. BBC NEWS: Government plans to ban all Internet porn. On an unrelated note, does anyone want to buy a laptop?
  10. INTERVIEWER: Why did you leave your previous job? ME: Because once they fire you they won’t let you stay.
  11. Me: You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen. Her: You just want to have sex with me. Me: And you’re smart too, I like that.
  12. Adam and Eve were the first people to agree to the Apple terms and conditions without reading them.
  13. Stop fcukin whining about being alone and lower your standards like the rest of us.
  14. I knew the Psychic was no good the moment she accepted my check
  15. Me: Siri, why am I alone? Siri: *opens front facing camera*
  16. Don’t ever change for anyone. Nothing is worth compromising your beliefs. Unless it’s for money.
  17. Money :::: humans are the only species that have to pay to live on earth..
  18. “Don’t make me regret this.” -things I think when accepting a friend request.
  19. My biological clock must be off.. I’m getting morning wood in the evening
  20. My fitness goal is just to get down to the weight that I lied about on my drivers license.