The first and last person to LIKE this status are the sexiest people in the whole wide world!
If someone ever tells you your clothing style is gay, just say, yeah it came out of the closet this morning.
Why didn’t Barbie ever get pregnant? Because Ken always came in another box.
Roses are expensive… Violets are gay… Poems are for pussies… Have a nice day…
I was walking along the street the other day when I slipped in dog shit. A minute later, some guy did exactly the same thing. I said to him, “I just did that.” So, he punched me in the face and called me a dirty bastard.
A guy broke into my apartment last week.. He didn’t take the TV, just the remote. Now he drives by and changes the channels.. Sick bastard..
When I see something funny on the internet, I don’t usually laugh. I just blow more air out of my nose than usual.
Rappers be like “I’m killing them snitches, smackin dem bitches, smokin blunts n fucking hoes!”**Wins award** Rapper: “I just wanna thank God”
If Internet Explorer is brave enough to ask you to be your default browser, I think you should be brave enough to ask that girl out.
Don’t judge someone because they sin differently than you.
WHO THE FUCK TOOK MY… oh there it is.
I’m the kind of crazy you weren’t warned about because no one knew this level existed.
I plan on being up really late tonight making voodoo dolls for, well, never mind, you will know who you are soon enough
Facebook has acquired a new mobile app that would allow users to track their exercise and measure how many calories they’ve burned. So if you love Facebook, and you love exercise, you’re lying about one of those.
That lazy moment when you start reading someone else’s status and then realise its too long so you just like it.
Spending half of the movie wondering where the fuck did I see this actor before…
When I was little, I didn’t give a fuck about what to wear. My parents dressed me up. Looking back at some of my old pictures, it seems they didn’t give a fuck either.
I had dinner at my mates house and while his mum was serving the food she said, how many potatoes would you like? I said, one please! She said, Haha you don’t have to be polite you know? I said, ok then ill have one you fat bitch.
Teacher: Why are you late!? Me: There was a man who lost a $100 bill..Teacher: That’s nice. Were you helping him look for it? Me: No, I was standing on it until he fucked off.
Me when my friends are sad: 268 text messages of advice and tell them how perfect they are. Then when I’m sad: Oh, sorry .