Funny Whatsapp Status

  1. Your crush likes your status and you start to imagine life together!
  2. A Chinese kid was born before the due date..So his parents named him “Sudden Lee!”
  3. When I get naked my shower gets turned on.
  4. Girl posted on Facebook: All men are dogs! I commented: Which breed is your father?
  5. One of these days the love of your life will walk right past you and you’re gonna be staring at your phone posting a status about how lonely you feel.
  6. OMG you got a new boyfriend? congratulations, who is it this week?
  7. A Kansas man on trial for first-degree murder wants to remove a tattoo across his neck reading “murder” because he’s worried it might prejudice the jury. Though he might be able to create reasonable doubt by just adding a question mark.
  8. Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands. I love that joke, it never grows old.
  9. If you’re a guy and you shave your legs… you might aswell go all the way and shave your pussy.
  10. Telling me to calm down is the easiest way to get me to tell you to go fuck yourself.
  11. Girls: He’s cute. He’s cute. He’s cute. He’s cute. Ewww.  Guys: Fuckable. Fuckable. Fuckable. Fuckable. Too fat.
  12. Facebook features three types of women: hot, Photoshopped hot, and a dog for a profile pic.
  13. A pharmaceutical company in Canada is offering $47 billion to buy the company that makes Botox. People at Botox were pretty excited — I mean, you should’ve seen the look that wasn’t on their faces.
  14. To the people that post 15 pics of your kid everyday,your kid looks EXACTLY the same as they did ystrdy,and the day before,and the day before that
  15. This guy at the gym just did 3 sets of selfies.
  16. Very few things upset my wife. So, it makes me feel rather special to be one of them.
  17. My dad use to take me to the circus to see the tattooed man and the bearded lady. Now, I can see them anytime shopping at Walmart.
  18. If your problem can’t be solved by me saying “that’s messed up” and nodding a lot, then you shouldn’t come to me for help
  19. Relationship status – table for one but drinks for two.
  20. People should look like their personalities.