Your crush likes your status and you start to imagine life together!
A Chinese kid was born before the due date..So his parents named him “Sudden Lee!”
When I get naked my shower gets turned on.
Girl posted on Facebook: All men are dogs! I commented: Which breed is your father?
One of these days the love of your life will walk right past you and you’re gonna be staring at your phone posting a status about how lonely you feel.
OMG you got a new boyfriend? congratulations, who is it this week?
A Kansas man on trial for first-degree murder wants to remove a tattoo across his neck reading “murder” because he’s worried it might prejudice the jury. Though he might be able to create reasonable doubt by just adding a question mark.
Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands. I love that joke, it never grows old.
If you’re a guy and you shave your legs… you might aswell go all the way and shave your pussy.
Telling me to calm down is the easiest way to get me to tell you to go fuck yourself.