Funny Whatsapp Status

  1. Good rule of thumb: if you see an adult riding a children’s bicycle, you’re probably in a bad neighborhood.
  2. It’s like the women in this bar don’t know how close I am to getting my own apartment.
  3. Don’t try to tell me that hungry is not an emotion because I feel that in my soul.
  4. You’d think Pizza Hut would be able to upgrade to a house by now.
  5. Amazing how many people just stroll into tattoo parlors and say “Give me the dumbest thing you can think of.”
  6. I neither like nor want to date Taylor Swift, but I know at some point it’ll just be my turn.
  7. I can either be on time or wearing pants. Pick one.
  8. I hate it when I’m trying to make money and someone greases the stripper pole.
  9. No “It’s not complicated”. One of you is just a dumbass.
  10. To women over 40, a guy with a belly and a sense of humor is a great catch. A guy who’s buff is considered a narcissist and a pole-smoker.
  11. Ever met a boring and stable girl who was good in bed? Exactly.
  12. Expect nothing and you’ll be impressed every day.
  13. Do you ever start writing a status and half way through you’re just like… nah
  14. I just burnt my tongue on my food. It made me realise that it’s the ones we love that hurt us the most.
  15. And breaking news, a man has been rushed to hospital after having 6 plastic horses shoved up his ass. He is in a stable condition.
  16. Some idiot in a nightclub came up to me and said, “I get 20 times more girls than you do, haha. “I replied, 20 x 0 = 0.”
  17. Waking up is the second hardest thing in the morning.
  18. A girl in China lost her virginity at 12. Her name is “SUM YUNG HO”
  19. My girlfriend found a spot between her boobs this morning, the doctor eased her worries telling her it was just her belly button.
  20. YouTube: “Sorry, this video is not available in your country.”Me: “Fucking racist!!!!”