Funny Whatsapp Status

  1. You fake your smile daily, then judge people for getting a fake tan.
  2. A man cheats on his girlfriend named Lorraine with a girl named Clearly. Suddenly, Lorraine died.  At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, “I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone.”
  3. Friend: Dude that song is so old…. Me: Well so is your mum but you still listen to her.
  4. Saying “guns don’t kill people, bullets do” is like saying “I haven’t raped anyone, but my dick has.”
  5. I’m starting to think that the gym isn’t really for me. I went this morning and laid down on the mat to do some sit-ups. I woke up 2 hours later.
  6. *unplugs 100% charged iphone* *slides to unlock* battery 43%
  7. At least the joke I just told you is longer then your dick. … “What joke?” … “Exactly”.
  8. Bored? 1 – Find a group photo of 4 girls. 2 – Comment, ”You 3 look awesome!”3 – And wait…
  9. I saw a woman crying as she was buying tampons earlier. Must be going through a tough period in her life.
  10. I’ve decided to take some time off Facebook so I can focus on work and, ok, I’m back
  11. WOW! This gym thing is a lot harder than it looked on Instagram.
  12. I met a girl in a bar last night and she said she wanted the night to be magical…. So I fucked her and disappeared.
  13. A girl told me how hard it is for her to gain weight. I said it’s hard for me NOT to. We had a good laugh and then I punched her in the face.
  14. “The world is full of nice people. If you can’t find one, be one!”
  15. Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair
  16. After filling up my gas tank this morning before work, I realized that I didn’t want to eat for the rest of the week anyways.
  17. What idiot called him Steve Jobs instead of Mac Daddy
  18. Based on how many times I’ve dropped my phone, I’m gonna hold off on the whole baby thing.
  19. When life throws you curveballs, swing at those motherf*ckers like Stevie Wonder with a lightsaber.
  20. My wife was choking so I quickly googled “how to save a life” Was a good song to drown out the noise she was making.