Funny Whatsapp Status

  1. Are you on a date with me or with your phone? Just make sure that phone pays your share of this bill by the end of the night.
  2. Just witnessed kids playing tag. What is this world coming to? Do their parents know they are outside, interacting, and getting exercise?
  3. I keep forgetting – which Disney princess is it who solves all her own problems without trying to find a boyfriend?
  4. Hey, girls who won’t stop talking about how much you love sports: We get it. You want a boyfriend.
  5. Pro tip for picking up girls – keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
  6. If it walks like a duck and it looks like a duck, the chances are she’s practising for her next selfie
  7. We’ve all seen that person on Social Media who likes to debate things as if they are a college professor. Dude…you’re arguing with someone who uses “dat”
  8. My wife is breaking up with me because of my masturbation addiction… Boy do I feel like a big jerk.
  9. My son told me all females have nice butts in yoga pants, so I took him to Walmart so he could see the error of his thoughts.
  10. If women would start naming their periods like hurricanes it would be alot easier for us men to remember which argument you are referring to.
  11. For every cigarette you smoke God takes away 1 year of your life and gives it to Hugh Hefner.
  12. Hey, guy from the gym with lifting gloves still on, you can take them off now, you’re in Starbucks.
  13. If she eats pizza with a fork, she isn’t going to like being bent over the dining room table.
  14. Quit crying, kid. I won this Easter egg hunt fair and square…
  15. It’s not a great nap, unless you wake up and can’t remember what day it is.
  16. Hate it when you open the fridge and can’t find what you were looking for; like happiness and perfect abs.
  17. My ring tone is a woman faintly screaming ‘Help me, Superman. Help me!’ and then I run away, unexplained.
  18. I’m classically trained in the art of Nintendo.
  19. I left work in slow motion but it didn’t blow up behind me. This is bullshit.
  20. Having a dirty mind makes ordinary conversations much more interesting.