Funny Whatsapp Status

  1. Know your customer. Think like an idiot.
  2. School taught me a lot of stuff, but the most useful was how to get ready in 15 minutes
  3. Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn’t doing his part of the chores around here
  4. Thinking of getting a government grant to study … Why flies can get in your car so easy, but can’t figure out how to escape with all the windows down.
  5. Interesting how the ads on Youtube never have trouble buffering
  6. Someone once said, “Find a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” So, I’m pleased to announce the grand opening of my titty squeezing business!!
  7. A morning text from me doesn’t mean “good morning”. It means “I’m having very dirty thoughts about you right now”.
  8. Saw a post stating “taking it one day at a time,” so I responded “me too. That’s how days work.”
  9. This status is dedicated to whatever you’re ignoring in real life to read it.
  10. What idiot decided it should be my foot’s asleep instead of coma toes?
  11. A new study shows that young adults suffering from insomnia are at higher risk of a stroke. So, that information should help you finally get some sleep.
  12. I think ugly people have children just to prove to everyone they had sex.
  13. I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.
  14. Dear Smart Phone, I would really wish if you spent more time with me than your Charger
  15. “Like a glow stick, sometimes we have to break before we shine.”
  16. Dear whoever is playing sweet child o’ mine at 2:30 in the night at full blaring volume to disturb the whole neighborhood……NICE!
  17. According to the police, public masturbation is not considered a “street performance”. Even if you have a hat on the ground on front of you.
  18. I’ve always pictured myself taking selfies.
  19. Just been on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies. Is that a trick question?
  20. When people say “life is short”. What the fuck? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does! What can you do that’s longer?