Funny Whatsapp Status

  1. Give me coffee to change the things I can change and wine to accept the things I can’t.
  2. Common sense is a flower that doesn’t grow in everyone’s garden.
  3. Every now and then, getting lost means finding your way.
  4. Whens someone says you’ve changed, it simply means you’ve stopped living your life their way
  5. I don’t care what people think of me. At least mosquitoes find me attractive.
  6. Beautiful people are not always good, but good people are always beautiful.
  7. One day, someone is going to hold you so tight, that all of your broken pieces fit back together.
  8. My doctor said I should eat better. I told him, with what he charges, I’m lucky I eat at all
  9. ATMs should have built in breathalyzers. I would save so much money
  10. You’re in your 20’s… you don’t have “haters”… you have “adults” that think you are “annoying”
  11. I don’t get why people say “They were busting their ass”? Wasn’t it already cracked to begin with?
  12. Some souls are consumed with what grows in the garden of others and then wonder, why their own does not flourish.
  13. When your kids are little you’re a super hero.When they’re teens you’re a super villain. After that, your only power is invisibility.
  14. When a guy texts a girl “hey stranger”, what he really means is “I’ve recently thought about trying to get in your pants again.”
  15. I always say “morning” instead of “good morning”. If it were a good morning I’d still be in bed instead of talking to people.
  16. That moment when the music stops playing at the gym and the whole room sounds like gay porn.
  17. How do people do backflips and shit, like I can’t even flip my grilled burger without fucking it up.
  18. Don’t get me started. I don’t come with brakes.
  19. We would have discovered the cure for cancer by now if we rewarded, recognized and respected our scientists just as much as we do our sportsmen and celebrities.
  20. I will show you a picture on my phone, but if you swipe right or left, I will break your finger.