Funny Whatsapp Status

  1. It’s like these fools at the gym have never seen a girl with roller skates on the treadmill before.
  2. When starting a new relationship it’s important to remember that someone already screwed them up for you.
  3. Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on? Asking for a freak.
  4. At my job I am forced to deal with more cunts than a gynecologist.
  5. If I was in that Malaysian airplane my wife would find it in 10 minutes..
  6. Masturbating in front of your partner in the hope that she’ll join does not always work. And people on the bus stare at you.
  7. You say lonely I say home alone with an opportunity to masturbate
  8. If I were a movie villain I’d make a bomb where the wires are all one color.
  9. Odd how all the ‘intelligent life finding instruments’ are pointed away from earth.
  10. If your woman is always reminding you of how other many guys want her and you are lucky she is still with you, dump that ho. Let those wolves have her.
  11. “Half a dozen” because saying ‘6’ is way too long…
  12. “Everything else tastes like us. Why do we need to die?” -chickens
  13. When one door closes, another opens. Also, you can open the closed door. That’s how doors work.
  14. What idiot named it balding & not vanishing into thin hair.
  15. Women who build walls around yourselves, please consider putting in a gloryhole.
  16. Sorry I was staring at your nachos while you were talking about your painful divorce
  17. It’s like nobody ever considers the consequences of getting to know me.
  18. E-Cigs. The great taste of water vapor, the cool look of blowing a flashlight.
  19. Marriage: where all the excitement, laughter and sex is gone but she’s still there.
  20. The movie “Noah” comes out this weekend. It follows the story of a family trying to survive God’s wrath on a giant boat for months. Or as that’s more commonly known, a Carnival Cruise.