Funny Whatsapp Status

  1. The larger the implants, the more likely she’ll be confused by a push/pull door.
  2. Somebody told me I’m horrible with names.
  3. Hey ladies breastfeeding in public,… why don’t you ever smile in my pictures?
  4. My new French girlfriend hates it when I pull her hair during sex. She says it makes her armpits sore for days.
  5. I’m old enough to remember when cell phones actually got smaller every year.
  6.  if someone else is in the picture with you why do some people still call it a “selfie”?….that’s a “groupie”
  7. Married people always ask when you’re getting married like they get points for recruiting to their club of misery.
  8. At my house, it is customary for you to go back to yours as soon as possible.
  9. The awkward moment when people think you’re drunk when in fact you’re just a blast naturally.
  10. I wish they made bar-stools with seat belts and dual side airbags.
  11. Car alarms would be a lot more effective if they sounded like two people fighting. I’d peak out my window for that.
  12. Trying to argue via text is like Being Italian and talking with handcuffs on.
  13. So sweet how people try to mask their crippling insecurities with bitchiness instead of alcohol like normal people.
  14. You know a girl is mad when she starts off her sentence saying, “I just find it funny how…” because there’s a 99.9% chance she did not find it funny.
  15. I hate when you tell someone you’re bored, and they suggest getting together. Then you have to explain that you’re not quite that bored.
  16. I have always wanted to start a brand of Christian themed lollipops and call them Catho-licks.
  17. If that was me in the movie Taken, my dad would have missed the call and emailed me 3 days later asking if I have a job yet
  18. Hey movie villains – make a bomb where the wires are all one color.
  19. A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
  20. In regards to the Noah movie: Make sure you take someone with you, I heard they’re only selling tickets in pairs.