Funny Whatsapp Status

  1. You’re a special combination of disappointment, and ‘What The Fcuk!?’
  2. Behind every great man there’s a great woman who can take whatever he just said and turn it into a great big fight
  3. Always watch your step on an escalator. I once tripped and fell down the stairs for an hour and a half
  4. Okay, let’s get this straight. There’s no way EVERYONE has the best boyfriend in the world.
  5. If you’ve ever wondered why an animal is stupid enough to run into oncoming traffic on the highway, then you’ve obviously never been married.
  6. Just heard a weird noise from the other room, but refuse to call out “Is anyone there?” I’ve seen the movies…those people always die!
  7. Forbidden fruit creates many jams.
  8. If people rode their spouses like they did their brakes the divorce rate would drop drastically.
  9. Wanna ruin a girl’s day? Respond to her next text with “Who is this?”
  10. Sometimes the smartest thing you can do, is play stupid.
  11. Of all the advice given to me over the years, “There really is no bad time for a beer” has proved to be the most helpful. Thanks ma.
  12. I used to date cross-eyed women just to feel better about myself after sex.
  13. Fact: You can burn up to 10 calories a minutes while having sex… Related: Looking for a workout partner.
  14. I just devoured a six inch from Subway and I’m still not satisfied. I get it ladies. I get it.
  15. When you get angry at someone count out loud to ten. When you get to eight, throw a punch. Nobody expects that sh!t.
  16. Removing access to contraceptives in order to discourage premarital sex is like removing seat belts to encourage safer driving habits.
  17. I don’t wear a watch. I DECIDE what time it is.
  18. Auditions are being held for you to be yourself. Apply within.
  19. Wanna ruin a girl’s day? Respond to her next text with “Who is this?”
  20. You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you’ve had?