I am taking a shot for every “like” I get on this status. Then again, I’m taking shots whether you bastards like it or not.
Statistically 60% of people use their mobile phone to cheat on their partners. Personally I prefer to use my pen!s.
Knock, knock. Honey, have you finished taking pictures of yourself for facebook? Daddy needs to take a sh!t..
To the people who don’t like me… suck it. To the people that do like me… same thing. 🙂
I would really like to help you move your furniture tomorrow but I’m going to be too busy sitting on mine
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV… So THAT’S where the clitoris is.
Can you spare just $2? Ranji is a 9 yr old boy living in Namibia. He has 1 leg, 1 arm, and 1 eye. Each day he rides 7 miles to school with a bike w/ bent wheels and no brakes. If you just send $2, we will send you the video it’s freaking hilarious.
Waiting for the day when a girl finally says that I’m “the one,” but isn’t talking to a police officer.
My internet bride got delivered today, she’s the WiFi always dreamed of.
I’m not saying my wife’s voice is annoying, but right now I’m really jealous of deaf people.
My biggest fear is dying in a car accident that doesn’t totally destroy my phone
I’m back on my feet again!! Wait, false alarm the remote is right here.
Fellas; There’s no heterosexual way of taking a selfie.
Being ‘clean and sober’ means I’ve showered and I’m headed to the liquor store.
The rising new trend is ” An@l Bleaching ”. Usually I would be against such an activity ,but….Some ***holes do need to LIGHTEN UP !!
I woke up last Friday to find a letter from West Africa in my e-mail. Saturday morning, there was one from Nigeria and today, there was one from Jamacia. I have the feeling I am being black mailed….
I am sorry I wasn’t being completely honest when I said I was normal.
The phrase, “Don’t take this the wrong way” has a zero percent success rate.
The most valuable thing you can make is a mistake- you can’t learn anything from being perfect.