Funny Whatsapp Status

  1. Love your parents. We are so busy growing up, we often forget they are also growing old.
  2. Smiling gives you wrinkles. Resting bitch face keeps you pretty.
  3. Social Media: Because I like to socialize with cool people without having to speak, wear pants or get off the couch.
  4. A threesome? No…if I wanted to disappoint two people at the same time I would go to dinner with my parents
  5. I don’t know how some people do it “4 minute shower” It takes me like 4 minutes to even get the water to be the right temperature.
  6. Sometimes you have to cook ur own food and jerk off in front of your girl to show her that she can be replaced.
  7. Nothing like working out to make you feel like you deserve that burger and fries.
  8. I clean my house like everyone else … 5 minutes before someone comes over.
  9. It hurts when you go to un friend someone only to discover they beat you to it
  10. Weird how old people suddenly stop being so deaf the second you put music they don’t like on
  11. Before calling me, ask yourself, “Is this textable?”
  12. Look I see that you love me and would die for me, but this guy over here barely notices me and has a GF. I’ll play the odds. -Woman logic
  13. When I think of all the money I’ve spent on booze in my life, I wish I had it all back. Imagine all the booze I could buy!
  14. May have put up a few too many Christmas lights. A 747 just landed in the backyard.
  15. You know what’s funny? Lots of shit so lighten the fuck up.
  16. You can assume that, for the next 2 weeks, there is Baileys in every cup of coffee I drink.
  17. To me, “drink responsibly” means don’t spill it.
  18. Can someone please tell what the weathers like. My Facebook is full of Robin William’s tributes
  19. Robin Williams dead. Police suspect arson, but I Doubtfire.
  20. I don’t like the idea of having to go on in a world where good people like Robin Williams is no longer with us, but Justin Beiber is still alive and well.